I feel like there has been so much going on so I should blog, but i somehow don't know what to say...
First of all, the weather has been absolutfandidlyastic. It has been cloudy and rainy for a week and i have been loving it. I only hate it when i have to be in school on such perfect days. But now, i am out of school for a week. I dont think I really care about that at all. Missing school means we drop another week behind in calculus, applications have to be done without Mr. bialik, assignments are due that we're all going to forget about and a bunch other stuff. On the other hand, it means I have more time for reading and can spend a couple of days in fife (where I am now). My ma works while im supposed to be in school, so it doesn't really affect anything there....
College applications. nuff said.
I have been so busy lately. I can never get time to just fucking relax. Even when im reading its because im so behind and i have to catch up so i cant reread or go back. it is irritating. I watch tv to get ahead on dvr recordings and have to delete them so i cant rewatch them.... I dont have time to go for walks or sit and just think because all i can think about is all the crap i have to get done. things that used to be fun have now become jobs and i dont like it.
And the less time i have to think, the more confused i get because i dont get to ponder all those big, amazing concepts that just blow your mind while making everything make more sense... I want to be able to talk to myself for hours on end or sit and read super slow, taking in all the tiniest details that the author thought no one would notice or watch a tv show and rewind to catch all the cool things they talk about one more time or even just sit and listen to music, getting pulled in and letting myself cry over what a mess my life really is. Worst of all, the very worst thing that could happen: my body is starting to like sleep more than I can resist it. to some people, not a big deal. But what a humongous fricken waste of time that is, especially of the night because i HAvE to be awak during the day.... i feel drained and like I can't catch my breath. I just want some time.......
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see, i told you about the sleep thing... its not that i always wanted to go to bed early... its just you get so drained...
ReplyDeleteand btw, who is this billy your pissed at and y?
did you watch so you think you can dance?? billy was already my favorite dancer and he got really sick and had to leave the show:(:(
ReplyDeleteoh no, you are supposed to be taping them... lol i did hear that he had to leave because of illness tho =(
ReplyDeleteI am taping them. But i watched it at Stacy's. It makes me really sad cuz wow could that boy move. Hopefully next season!!
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