Time, sweet precious time

I feel like there has been so much going on so I should blog, but i somehow don't know what to say...
First of all, the weather has been absolutfandidlyastic. It has been cloudy and rainy for a week and i have been loving it. I only hate it when i have to be in school on such perfect days. But now, i am out of school for a week. I dont think I really care about that at all. Missing school means we drop another week behind in calculus, applications have to be done without Mr. bialik, assignments are due that we're all going to forget about and a bunch other stuff. On the other hand, it means I have more time for reading and can spend a couple of days in fife (where I am now). My ma works while im supposed to be in school, so it doesn't really affect anything there....
College applications. nuff said.
I have been so busy lately. I can never get time to just fucking relax. Even when im reading its because im so behind and i have to catch up so i cant reread or go back. it is irritating. I watch tv to get ahead on dvr recordings and have to delete them so i cant rewatch them.... I dont have time to go for walks or sit and just think because all i can think about is all the crap i have to get done. things that used to be fun have now become jobs and i dont like it.
And the less time i have to think, the more confused i get because i dont get to ponder all those big, amazing concepts that just blow your mind while making everything make more sense... I want to be able to talk to myself for hours on end or sit and read super slow, taking in all the tiniest details that the author thought no one would notice or watch a tv show and rewind to catch all the cool things they talk about one more time or even just sit and listen to music, getting pulled in and letting myself cry over what a mess my life really is. Worst of all, the very worst thing that could happen: my body is starting to like sleep more than I can resist it. to some people, not a big deal. But what a humongous fricken waste of time that is, especially of the night because i HAvE to be awak during the day.... i feel drained and like I can't catch my breath. I just want some time.......

A couple of blips

So this week was pretty hectic. At school just academic wise, we had a ton of new material in Calc, a paper due in English, an Advanced Bio project, Physics test, a ton of new Psych material, a crack-down in Astronomy, and a bunch of other crap that kept me busy as hell all week. However, Monday was pretty crappy for Kingsley. One of my teachers, one of my favorite teachers, did not show up to work Monday. The principal and another teacher went down to his house to find him, his wife and two kids barely conscious with CO poisoning. They were taken to the hospital, the parents having to go to Grand Rapids (where the major Michigan hospital is). They are all doing much better now, but we have an asshole sub in Psych that i just want to hit. Also on Monday, the elementary ceiling fell, and two girls passed out in the high school. Bad start to the week.
The one really, really, really good thing this week is that i got to give blood on Thursday. I have been wanting to give blood for as long as i can remember even though I am terrified of needles. It was so cool. I love blood, so... wait, speaking of that. When I told my mother that I was excited about giving blood, she said "I'm not surprised. Vampires love to be aroung lots of blood" See, there's this joke in my family that i am a vampire because I hate the sun (yea, i know. I've heard it all. but i just dont like it), because i love clouds and rain and wind and just dark stuff like that (though I dont really see it as dark. It makes me happy) because I hate sleep and would rather just be awake all night and because, going along with the sun-hating, I would just rather be pale and regularly use spf 50 sunblock. So, they joke that I am a vampire and the blood thing kind of just went with that. And me and another girl have been proudly showing off our "unifang" marks:) the docter laughed at that, and said he hadn't heard it before, which made my happy.
I was really excited to give blood 1: because it saves lives. thats just cool 2: because it means Im old enough. yeah. and 3: its a big step for me in getting over the fears that I have. I was jittery and my whole body was shaking beforehand. but I got over it. I got to watch my blood leave my body through this medium sized needle and got to see the bulging bag of my blood.... Just cool as hell. (and if you haven't already noticed, the text is red like blood even though its one of my least favorite colors... just a fun fact)
I got to be a model on Sunday. SENIOR pictures. so much fun, though I have NO idea how I am going to choose just one for the yearbook. The ones that I got to see were just so pretty and that was before tough-ups....
I have gotten very little reading and absolutely no writing done. Actually, its been months since ive written.... it feels like I am missing something... like before i even knew i could write, but not quite so bad because now i can call myself a writer, though I am still not writing and that just sucks.... a lot. if i dont get just one day to myself, to have the whole day to just go nuts on my books, i will literally go nuts. i dont think anything less would put that fire back in me or would get me back into the mindset where my characters, my best friends, are always on my mind.... i miss them.
So, Jt, there's my new blog just for you. Miss you like crazy and am gonna be a grumpy goober if i dont get to hang with you soon. Love you more than the weight of this universe (if you comment back soon, i might love you as much as the entire multiverse. Just might.:D)

Give me a couple hours

I am babysitting right now, but the kids go to bed at 10 and the ma wont be here till at least 1, so i will blog then. but i WILL blog tonight.

P.S. if you get bored you still have that story to finish ;)